Professional Detachment: How Mission-Driven Leaders Can Care Without Burning Out
What is Detachment?
Whenever I use the word detachment during conversations, I get blank stares in response. One time, a friend responded with complete resistance to the duality of caring deeply about something or someone and also being detached. She didn’t think it was possible. “How can you say you care and be detached, Morgan?”, she asked. “It’s not easy, but it’s certainly possible.”, I replied.
Detachment is not about not caring. It’s the ability to accept circumstances you can’t change. It seems impossible because it’s an idea that’s in direct contrast to everything we know to be true. We’re taught to be attached to outcomes our whole lives. But life and professional experience have taught me that the more regulated and healthy approach involves letting go. I’m not saying to let go of people (although some situations require this step, so let’s not rule it out). I’m not saying to let go of your feelings and emotions. I’m saying let go of the need to control outcomes.
As a mission-driven leader, I used to think it was a part of my job as an HR leader to make sure people saw me as an expert, listened to me, and followed my advice. And when they didn’t, I interpreted that to mean I wasn’t valuable or capable in the role. That lead to more proving, convincing, and eventually feelings of burnout. That was not sustainable leadership. How people saw me or their decision followed or ignore my advice was none of my business. It’s still none of my business.
In my consulting work, I find professionals and leaders in Human Resources, non-profit operations, and other organizational leaders as clients, seeking advice about how to manage their frustration when their ideas are rejected, suggestions ignored, and they are only being called to fix problems they didn’t create.
The CADM Framework Explained
I’m sure you’ve heard of the CAD Approach: Consult, Advise, and Document. I’ve heard that it was designed to give trial lawyers a framework to protect themselves and their clients. The strategy has been essential to my work across industries. Although helpful for record-keeping and protection, I found that it did very little for feelings and emotions about situational outcomes. So, I extended it.
C-Consult- Listen well. Don’t offer insights here. Ask good questions. This is your fact-finding mission.
A-Advise- Give your expertise-once. You do not have to convince anyone that you’re right. “Release the need to over-explain.” For more on how to do this, check out Day 19 in my book 31 Days of Keeping Joy.
D-Document- If you didn’t m write it down, it didn’t happen. Recap the conversation and how it was resolved for record-keeping. This protects you, the person you’re talking to, and the organization.
M-Move on- This is the most important step for sustainability. You see, the name of the game in any profession, project, or endeavor is endurance. The longer you’re in it, the more opportunity there is for growth and advancement. If you spend all of your time frustrated, angry, overstimulated about things you can’t control, you will burn out. And then what good would that do anyone? So move on. Trust that you’ve added value, done/said the right things, and whether or not someone takes heed, well…that’s on them.
